I have to admit, I have had a bit of a change the world complex in the past.
Working hard and making a difference, sure.
And then…
Burning out. Realising that my approach, my process, is not quite right; that I have not been giving or serving from a place of abundance, but rather a place of lack, for my own need for affirmation on some level.
This has been a process that I have been through one… or three…. or more times (we’ve got to keep learning our lessons, right?!).
At least I have become better at noticing when things are not quite in alignment, and making adjustments before I crash and burn.
So what does it truly mean – to make a difference, to be of service?
What I have learnt is that it is about showing up again and again, with grace.
It’s about feeling the tap on the shoulder from God/dess, and saying yes, you’ll do the work.
Sometimes it IS about getting in the trenches and getting your hands dirty. I’m not going to lie- sometimes that work doesn’t feel amazing. It won’t always feel “easy”. Sometimes that work is hard. Sometimes it will be tiring, and sometimes you will just feel over it.
Yes, service means hanging in there- for awhile, at least (note below on when to pull out). See the thing is, service does not bring glory. It may not bring recognition, nor instant gratification. Service may not even bring a “thank you” – from anyone.
That’s not the point of service.
True altruism does not always come with side serve of buzz. And it definitely does not always need glamor, online or offline, as captivating (and fun) as that may be.
If you are a vessel for the good work of the universe, if you are showing up to be here, if you put up your hand and say YES, I am ready to help, it’s not about complaining when it doesn’t match your fantasy.
But having said that, service is not supposed to lead to self-sacrifice; it is not meant to be masochistic (unless that floats your boat!).
Don’t stay in a situation of self-sacrifice, whatever that may be for you, because then you are not helping any where near as much as you could be.
How to tell?
Where you are exhausted and – even faintly – resentful, after helping.
When you are not in a position to be able to help further.
The big question to ask yourself: why are you serving in this way?
Are you serving (or giving) because you want people to like you? (Like I said: I’ve been there, even though that was not immediately obvious to me at the time).
And it may very well come from a place of lack, a scarcity mindset, and a lack of self-love, specifically.
But don’t just run away because service gets hard.
Seek out your trusted advisors to get an objective perspective.
And most importantly, inquire within.
Place your hand on your heart, and below your belly, on your womb, and ask yourself.
Is this right?
Ask yourself,
What are your true motivations for giving in the way that you do?
If it is for praise, affirmation, being liked, or some other kind of justification for the self, you may have more to learn. But still, no need to stay in a detrimental situation if that is not your choice.
Ask:
Is this right?
Listen for the answer.
If it’s not time for you to go, then keep breathing.
Keep being of service.
Know that it isn’t always supposed to be sunshine and rainbows.
Service can be messy,
Just like life.
So ask yourself this question. Ask yourself why you are there.
And know that you’ll be given what you are able to truly deal with.
You do have a choice, even if it does not seem like a desirable one, to walk away.
Be of service in another way.
Give it time. You’ll know when it is really right.
There’s one thing that is for sure:
Service is real.
Service may be the path of the devote, but service also brings you closer to your true nature. The grittiness of service can bring you into deeper relationship with the grittiness inside of you.
And into a deeper love of the divine inside of you.
And there is no self-sacrifice with that:
Just an abundance of deep, infectious, joy.
I’ve finally learnt that changing the world starts with changing your relationship with yourself.
Know what I mean?
xo Ezzie
Psst… the Lunar Abundance Salon is re-opening soon. Sign up here to learn more about giving and serving from a place of abundance rather than lack.
Do you know if there is a word for the sensation of being s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d and squeezed, simultaneously?
This post gives you an insight into how I navigate times of rapid personal & professional growth. Maybe it will help you too.
I thank the goddesses that I have learnt the “tools” for this, because this year I have needed them more than ever.
Now, I have been no stranger to a full life. I put myself through law school by running my first business, tutoring wealthy high school kids.
Since then, I’ve lectured in human rights, written a zillion reports, did a PhD in women’s wellbeing and justice after violence, and run my own biz.
Lest this seem like the full story though, let it be known that as a classic over-achiever, my shadow side is my tendency to push and be hard on myself.
Self-care has not come naturally to me and is something that I have learnt. Actually, self-care is something that I have had to learn, so that I could indulge my proclivity for wanting to “change the world” whilst not burning out myself.
Wait wait, hold that thought- self-love has been what I have come to understand is necessary for me to be of service whilst living a really gorgeous, sexy, full, joyful, and magical life.
That’s more like it.
My approach to life and work have changed significantly over the years. This article is about how I stay healthy and well in times of acceleration.
and the answer? I live and function well through disciplined devotion to my 8 daily non-negotiable self-care practices.
My eight daily practices for functioning at a high level and staying well are:
//1 Meditation
Do you meditate? (Why?) A dear friend first taught me how nearly ten years ago. It was first a therapeutic tool for me, and increasingly a deeper spiritual practice. Meditation has been a daily part of my life for nearly five years.
Now, I have practised umpteen different meditation styles at different times in my life. I adapt these based on what I feel I need. At the moment, one is as simple as breathing-with-awareness first thing in the morning.
I also love to meditate outside. Just being, on a rock, in the sun: perfection.
I also integrate daily meditation in my personal lunar practice.
//2 Lunar love
The moon moves between phases every few days, but I track it daily. Focal points for each of the 8 main lunar phases, including intention-setting (and sitting with my intention in a special meditation), gratitude, and trust.
It also helps me balance “doing” and “being”. Leaning forwards and resting.
If you’d like to learn this, I share glimpses of my practice on Instagram here and in full in the Lunar Abundance Salon (yes, that will open again later this year!).
//3 Sleep
Seven, preferably eight, hours a night, please.
I have a special fascination with how much other people sleep (and how the Mamas out there do it). Intrigued to know how much sleep you need!
//4 Greens
My sweet mother brought us up on a super healthy wholefood diet. And her mother, my 80 yo Irish grandmother, attests her glowing skin and radiance to the fact that she has grown her own organic veggies her whole life.
So I’ve got this great eating template, but my own healthy cooking habits ebb and flow. At the moment, healthy cooking is slipping big time, so my lover is taking on a nurturing role and making me daily green juices/smoothies to stay nourished (So.Much.Gratitude). If he skips a day, I buy one.
I don’t buy alcohol- this is my liquid gold. It feels so good, it’s worth it.
//5 Introspection
I draw a huge amount of energy from gazing at my navel. I love the way that Susan Cain has helped people to understand a true introverted nature. I don’t lack social skills, but gosh, constant interaction exhausts me and I need to withdraw to rejuvenate on my own, every day.
In prolonged intense periods, like the past six months, that may mean an extra few minutes lying in bed with my eyes closed before I even start meditating, sitting in the car for 10 minutes after I arrive somewhere, or even taking an extended bathroom trip to just “be” in silence 😉
If you need moments of alone time like this, how do you make room?
//6 Writing
Writing is the main way that I process the seemingly endless rumble of my thoughts, and make sense of chaos when it pervades my life. Journalling. Documenting. Diarising. Note-taking. Every day. At any time in the day.
Some of that writing always remains as scrawled diary or digital notes, some is polished and makes it onto this blog, and some of it may make it into the book that I am heading to Bali to write (!) early next year.
I always, always feel good after documenting my inner world and what flows through me. When hectic, my iPhone is my chronicle.
//7 Inner-circle: love and fun
It may seem like a contradiction, but even though I’m an introvert, I still need to be connected everyday. With my family. My close friends. My love.
Without being “in touch”, I get out of balance, fast (over the years, there are times that I’ve got a bit tooo cosmic and disconnected from reality on earth).
When in person & Skype gets overwhelming, texts & emails add the sparkle.
I also have amazing healers in my inner circle, who help me stay balanced and grounded when I need an extra boost. Love.
//8 Exercise
If you have a daily yoga/dance/exercise practice, I am inspired by you!
Exercise is the first thing that slips for me, and gosh do I feel it. It’s a constant practice to stay committed to my physical temple.
When a non-negotiable regularly slips, it’s time to make a change.
Do you have the courage to make changes when one or more of your non-negotiables start to slip?
